Growing up, I have always been quite negative towards myself. I have always put myself down for struggling in school and not being good enough. I always felt like I was an odd one out because I thought there was something different about me. I did not know I had ADHD or Anxiety at the time. I somehow managed to convince myself that I wasn’t pretty enough, even with makeup on. If I’m being completely honest, being negative towards myself became a habit. A very unhealthy habit, which has been with me for pretty much all 20 years of my life.
There has been times where others have made me feel like I couldn‘t do certain things. One of those things being sharing photos of my body. I have seen hundreds of woman on the internet feel completely confident about posting images of their body. A lot of these photos I have seen are absolutely beautiful as well. I have always wanted to have the confidence to do this myself, but I have always been worried I may give people the wrong impression of me. I was worried they would instantly think I am a “slut“, because of how society has put a negative label on showing your body. I wanted to show my body off to help me accept my body. To help others accept their own bodies after seeing I accepted mine. The main thing I was worried about is that there are some very creepy people out there and I wouldn‘t want them perving over my photos. People who do this disgust me and are probably the main reason why so many women are so scared to share their bodies.
I wanted to prove to myself somehow that I can do these things I say I can’t. The only thing that was stopping me was my anxiety. One night I had enough of saying “I wish I could do this” to myself. Rather than thinking about it, I grabbed my DSLR camera, ring light and tripod. This was at 11:00pm at night night I add. I threw a white sheet over my recliner which I had repositioned to use as a photo prop. I did my makeup and picked out my favourite. I sat infront of my camera and didn’t think about it. I just focused on taking the photos. There was no one around me, so I did not feel judged. I was alone.
After taking the photos, I had the biggest smile on my face. I was so proud of myself. Why? Because I proved myself wrong. I knew that deep down I could go out of my comfort zone, and I did. I felt beautiful.
Ever since I sat in front of that camera, I have seen myself in a different way. Yes, I still am sometimes a bit negative about my mental health, but I haven’t put myself down for my physical appearance in awhile.
Because of these photos. It encouraged me to want to help other people. Which is why I created HowToFemale. My website probably would not exist if I did not make these life choices. Who knew a few photos would have such a use affect?
I want to teach women that they shouldn’t be afraid to be open about themselves. There are too many people in this world that believe they are not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not fit enough. I want to prove you all wrong. I believe everyone is beautiful, no matter what shape, colour or gender you are. You are all beautiful. You have no reason to hide yourself.
You can do anything if you really believe you can.
Don’t think about it, just do it.
